Ask Amy: Wife feels betrayed by husband ignoring her birthday and planning a trip without her

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Dear Amy: My husband let me know that he and our two daughters will be traveling 2,000 miles to celebrate his brother’s 70th birthday, which is two days before my 70th birthday.

I am so angry and disappointed that he would do this.

His brother and wife have never visited us in our home state.

This was all done behind my back, and then after I learned about it, I was told that we would celebrate my birthday sometime in the following month.

We’ve had many problems in our marriage, but this feels like the last straw.

But I can’t seem to move on.

Any ideas on how to move on and get over my anger?

– Had It

Dear Had It: One way to move on would be to actually move on.

Given the way you have described this (topping off a troubled marriage, your husband plans a secret trip with your daughters to celebrate his brother’s landmark birthday, while deliberately ignoring yours), I think you should use their time away to contact a lawyer and educate yourself about your financial prospects, as well as the personal and emotional consequences of you leaving the marriage.

Truth be told, it seems that your husband has already at least partially left.

After doing this research, you may decide to stay, at least for now, but it will be your choice.

You can use the anger you feel to spur you to action. Being armed with real information and an actual choice could empower you to feel more in control of your own life, and your anger should dissipate. (It may morph into other very challenging emotions.)

If you do decide to stay, a therapist could help you to move through the emotional fallout from this “last straw.”

Check out prior Ask Amy columns

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.



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