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Dear Amy: My daughter and son-in-law allow their 17-year-old son to drink alcohol in their home – and not just a sip of wine.
They believe that he will become normalized to drinking and not consider it “forbidden fruit” when he goes away to college.
Since there is a history of alcoholism in our family, I’m not convinced this is wise.
Am I wrong?
– Concerned Grandma
Dear Grandma: I’m wondering why any parent would want their teen to become normalized to drinking.
Surely these parents don’t imagine that their son will enter the binge-drinking atmosphere of the typical college campus limiting his own excess due to the sophistication he’s acquired by being a social drinker at home.
(“Sorry, Delta Tau Chi brothers, I’ll pass on that kegger as I slowly sip my fine Merlot.”)
If these parents drink at home with their son, that’s their business. But if they think doing this will make him less vulnerable to problems with alcohol outside the home, they’re mistaken.
There are very few campuses where alcohol is considered “forbidden fruit.” Alcohol use is ritualized and used as a way to integrate into campus life.
These parents are just giving their son a head start.
If you have alcoholism in the family, you (and his parents) should warn, educate, and urge this boy to be aware that alcohol use disorder runs in the family and that he is vulnerable.
A couple of statistics from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA.NIH.gov) to put in his path: An estimated 1,519 college students between the ages of 18 and 24 die from alcohol-related unintentional injuries, including car crashes. 696,000 students in this age group are assaulted by another student who has been drinking.
Thirteen percent of students will graduate from college with full-blown Alcohol Use Disorder.
Yes, your grandson will drink. Most college students do. But he should be made aware of the family history and negative consequences.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
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