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Dear Amy: I’m a 16-year-old girl.
I just started my junior year of high school. I’m doing a pretty good job so far.
My dilemma is that I’m worried that I’ll never lose my virginity in my 20s because I don’t have “experience” yet.
And whenever I read about people saying that they don’t want to be with anyone if they’re a virgin, it makes me feel even worse.
I’ve never been kissed, and I’ve never had a boyfriend, so whenever I think about it, I get upset and my mind starts to spiral.
Sometimes, with the way things are going now with dating I think I’ll never find someone without wearing revealing clothing or hooking up with every guy I meet.
I know that you’ll probably say, “Just focus on school.” Which I am trying to do since I’m aiming to get all A’s my junior year.
But for me, when you don’t have any relationship experience and you don’t want to settle, just to lose your virginity to any boy, it tends to be frustrating, especially with what boys these days are like.
What should I do?
– Teen With no Experience
Dear Teen: I read a recent study stating that roughly half of kids your age (girls and boys) have had some sexual experience.
This means, of course, that half of kids your age have not. (A smaller percentage of kids are sexually active in their teens than in recent years.)
My point is that you are not alone.
So yes, focus on school. School is what you know, school is what you can do well, and so you should do what you know – and do it well.
Understand also that any sexual experience you seek should be your choice, and not what you think others might choose for you. Absorb this concept and let it empower you. You are in charge of your own life.
The most positive early sexual experiences start with positive relationships. Work on maintaining healthy friendships with other nice and smart kids who, like you, are figuring it out.
Check out prior Ask Amy columns
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
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